Full Spectrum

I want to be full spectrum, baby, because that’s how I feel when I breathe deep and take it all in with wonder and love, but baby, it breaks/ me/ down/ when I strive to set up beautiful systems for everything and then some.

***

Of course the light here has shifted again, the chiming which draws me back to the page because, lord knows, the calendar dates start flipping and flopping right on by at this time of year. The sunshine has lost the warm golden hue of mid-Autumn and in it I see so much white; invoking the idea of crystals in the air, smoke from neighborhood chimneys perfumes the air.

I sit with the sun warming my back. I am dressed like a stay at home yoga mom (and have the funky half-frog pose to match). My workspace, this writer’s cafe of a sort, was the first space I reimagined following Caleb’s birth. Today, I see again: it was a fine impulse to sweep the porch, to bring out the bright yellow table and chairs and to arrange the plants just so.

We traveled for the Thanksgiving break and will again for the Winter Holidays. The turn around time between the two adventures is brief and I see now that the landing back at home after the journey’s complete must hold equal weight in careful planning, nourishment in gentle returns as well as exuberant departures.

This time of year, the winding down of the natural year and the settling in of long nights points to inner work, time round the fire, contemplation. Of course, our lived experience, our cultural inheritance, our restless hearts and minds ask of us more: to plan, create, gather and all the rest. All of it good, but hard to hold all at once, I am finding.

It is the start of my season now: the time of childhood hopes smashed into holiday build up, new year’s clean slate and the two fold reflection intention of an early January birthday. I have held heavy ambivalence around the holiday season for a long stretch of my life and for now, I am striving to move in time with my soul, to be deliberate with my days and evenings.

Blessings on your journey into darkness and back towards the light, xo, Dev

How do you keep your love light set to a steady flame this time of year?

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